Lynne Berrett

The good news is that we’re all generally living longer, in better health than our parents. The good news is that many of us have more financial and personal resources than our parents had after the age of fifty. The great challenge is how to use this extra time and energy in ways that truly enhance our lives.

I know of a man who owned a manufacturing plant for many years. The work was demanding and so, although he was very successful, he was happy to retire when he turned 65. At first he and his wife traveled and played golf all over the world.
But after a couple of years he turned to her and said, “Is this all there is?” He still had tremendous drive, but nowhere to channel it. Through coaching he began to explore the question: what did he want to do–not with the whole rest of his life but with, say, the next 5 years?

He had grown up at a time when people did the same work for most of their lives. While they might change jobs, they didn’t often change professions or trades or businesses. So it took some effort for him to wrap his mind around the idea, for example, that even doctors today might very well decide to turn their backs on medicine in mid-career and become investment consultants or musicians, just because they want a different kind of life. In other words, changing course is now considered a normal option, not just a sign of failure.

When he became willing to look at his current life from the broadest possible perspective, he saw that there were aspects of it he had never developed because they weren’t “practical.” He was introduced to current research about the major elements that contribute most to human happiness over the long haul. All this stimulated him to experiment with a variety of activities he had never thought about doing before. Just trying them out energized him, he found, and encouraged him to expand beyond old self-imposed limitations. His goal became to learn to do new things without feeling that he had to stick with any one of them–very different from his original mindset.

At different points in life, it is natural and right to set different goals. In fact, I would say doing so demonstrates health and the ability to grow. I think of a friend in his mid 70’s who spent years running his own business as a medical writer. When he retired from that in his late 60’s, he decided to earn a captain’s license. Now he moves boats up and down the East Coast for their owners–when he chooses to. He has trouble saying no because he enjoys doing it so much.

The idea that life proceeds in growth stages which don’t end with middle adulthood, but continue until either our bodies or minds give out completely, is relatively new. Even in extreme old age, with the proper interventions, functioning can improve. I see this with a relative in her late eighties who has severe dementia. As a dementia specialist works with her, her eyes are becoming more focused and she is more responsive to us. Others see a positive change in her too.

What is the message here? That we can keep growing. That we must keep growing if we want to retain our powers for as long as possible. That we should review our lives periodically and ask ourselves what skills and interests and parts of our inner life we might want to develop. Those kinds of questions can best help us decide what we should do next: that is, what specific directions to explore that will be new to us or that will challenge us in new ways.

It’s an exciting way to view your future, yes? That’s the way it can be to live it, too.

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